


troubled waters running cold

by ursus_mari



Series: snow queen [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friends to Enemies, Gen, Lovers To Enemies, Mostly Canon Compliant, Unhappy Ending, we just took a deep dive into FeelsTM, why was lovers to enemies not a tag???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:20:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26708131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ursus_mari/pseuds/ursus_mari
Summary: There comes a point of reckoning.But the outcome of this moment is all but certain, unavoidable.All the moments that might have taken them off this path happened before this, small things that stacked up and locked them in til they were past the point of no return.Gwen looks into eyes that once belonged to the woman she loved, and she knows they are bound to break.
Relationships: Gwen & Morgana (Merlin), Gwen/Morgana (Merlin)
Series: snow queen [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1943665
Kudos: 12





	troubled waters running cold

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I did more! If you haven't read the previous one in this series, it's Morgana's POV on this same scene. You don't have to read them in any particular order.
> 
> Title is from Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi, mostly because these ficlets spawn when I listen to sad songs on repeat and that was the one I listened to for this one.

There comes a point of reckoning.

But the outcome of this moment is all but certain, unavoidable.

All the moments that might have taken them off this path happened before this, small things that stacked up and locked them in til they were past the point of no return.

Gwen looks into eyes that once belonged to the woman she loved, and she knows they are bound to break.

The woman standing before her has killed and injured and schemed to harm everyone Gwen loves. The woman standing before her has woken up screaming in the night and held Gwen tight, fought Uther all the way when he was being unjust, and smuggled food out to the starving.

How, Gwen wants to ask. How did they break you? How did they twist you up so much inside?

Morgana has always been angry. Gwen knows that. Morgana has always felt the sting of injustice keenly and wanted to right it in the world. She has always been fiery temper and words flung like daggers.

Her eyes now… they’re angry, but they’re cold. Fire and steel with the intent to protect has turned to ice and shimmering gold in service of vengeance.

Gwen wants to hate her for it.

And yet… and yet there’s something there. Morgana looks at her and she is desperate. Morgana looks at her like she is something precious, something lovely, something necessary, something she needs like she needs air.

And Gwen remembers that look. Gwen remembers late nights and teary eyes and the way Morgana held her tight. She remembers the way Morgana looked at her when Gwen gave her flowers in hopes it’d make her happy enough to give that look again. She remembers the way Morgana checked her over after she’d been in danger, protective and scared and holding on tight like she can’t quite believe Gwen is still there.

Gwen loves the woman who gave her those looks with all her heart, desperately and intensely and in a way that feels like coming home after all these years of loving her.

She loves Lancelot like a candle, kept alight for hope in the absence of light, and she loves Arthur like a wildfire, heedless of the barriers that bind them, but Morgana, Morgana is the hearth of her heart, warm and comforting and constant.

The thought of that fire going out, fuelled as it is by Morgana’s kindness and temper in lovely combination, hurts near more than Gwen can bear.

If Morgana begged, Gwen doesn’t know that she could say no.

Fortunately (dismally), Pendragons don’t beg, propped up as they are by a misplaced sense of pride and held together by a stiff suit of emotional armor. Morgana simply says, “Join me, Gwen,” in a cold, formal voice, as if she could possibly hide all of that emotion from the person who knew her best, once.

It’s as close to begging as Morgana will get, though, and Gwen softens despite herself. “You know I can’t.” The hurt there… how can Morgana bear betrayal, nevermind savor it? “But…” She knows this is futile, knows the battle lines have already been drawn by Morgana’s hand, and yet-- “You don’t have to do this, Morgana.” My lady, if you’re still in there. “You know this isn’t the right way.”

Morgana meets her eyes, and there is a storm raging there. Her voice is calm despite it. “And what would you suggest?”

“Let Arthur--” make things right. Let us help you.

“No.” And there, there are those sharp edges. And Gwen sees the woman who led an army into her city and slaughtered her people rather than the woman she wants to hold tight and protect from the world in her fury.

“Then you have your answer.”

Morgana turns away, and oh, how Gwen wishes she could hate her. Wishes she could forget how to read the lines of her body. “Go.”

Gwen wasn’t expecting-- where are those sharp edges? “Morgana, what--”

“Go!”

And Gwen… Gwen goes. She pauses, for a moment, before the door, looks back at Morgana and pretends this isn’t goodbye. But it is goodbye, and when she steps outside this room, the woman she loves will disappear in the smoke of the pyres she lights, never to return.

She breathes in, opens the door, walks through it, and lets it close with a thud that makes her wince.

Breathes out, and tries not to cry at the chill where there was once a roaring blaze.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr [@ursus-mari](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/ursus-mari), if you are so inclined. Come and scream at me about morgwen or just merlin! I promise I'm friendly.


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